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10 Keys to Positive Parenting

Positive parenting, sometimes called positive discipline, gentle guidance, or loving guidance, is simply guidance that keeps kids on the right path. The goals of positive parenting are to raise children who want to behave appropriately, and to raise children who turn into well-adjusted, productive adults. Listed are 10 keys to positive parenting that are easy to follow and incorporate into your family life.

10 Steps to Positive Parenting:

  1. Promote problem solving skills – If your child is faced with a problem, allow them to come up10 Keys to Positive Parenting with solutions to the problem before jumping in to help them.
  2. Say “no” sometimes – It is important for children to learn they can’t always get everything they want, and to be able to wait and/or earn desired items.
  3. Create a daily routine – Children respond very well to structure and routine. Daily routines can make things like getting ready in the morning, dinner, and bedtime a smoother process for everyone.
  4. Be a good role-model – If your kids see you responding by yelling or raising your voice everything something goes wrong, they are most likely going to start responding the same way. Kids often model the behaviors of their parents, so remaining calm in times of crisis will help your children learn do the same.
  5. Avoid spanking or other physical discipline – This can lead to your child being fearful of you and/or teach them that being physical with other is an appropriate response. There are many alternative consequences for negative behaviors other than physical discipline. If your current consequence is not decreasing the behavior, then keep trying different ones until you find a consequence that works.
  6. Be consistent with consequences If you punish a negative behavior one time, but not the next time, that negative behavior is going never go away. Being inconsistent can cause confusion in your child and they will not know what is expected of them. Also, make sure all family members are on the same page and addressing all behaviors in the same way.
  7. Provide natural consequences – This will help your child learn that their behavior can have both positive and negative consequences. If they break a toy, don’t run out and buy them another one. Doing this will teach your child there are no consequences for their behavior. Conversely if they get all A’s on their report card you want to provide some type of reward and praise.
  8. Reward and praise behaviors that you want to see again in the future – For example, if your child cleaned their room the first time you ask, reward that behavior instead of letting it go unnoticed. Rewarding and praising appropriate behaviors will increase the likelihood of these behaviors occurring again.
  9. Follow through – If you ask you child to do something, make sure they do it. If you ask and then never follow through, your child will learn they don’t need to listen to you. Even when your cries or gets upset, it is very important to remain firm and ensure they follow through with what you asked them to do.
  10. Give your child freedom to make their own mistakes and learn from them – It is natural to want to protect your child and prevent them from making mistakes, however it is important for children to learn from their mistakes and take steps to prevent those same mistakes from occurring in the future.


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NSPT offers services in BucktownEvanstonHighland ParkLincolnwoodGlenview and Des Plaines. If you have questions or concerns about your child, we would love to help! Give us a call at (877) 486-4140 and speak to one of our Family Child Advocates today!

Reference: http://www.positive-parents.org/2011/06/positive-parenting-what-why-how_15.html

 

the consequences of coddling

The Consequences of Coddling

coddling

What’s happening above?  Why did it used to be the student’s fault for bringing home a poor grade?  Why today is it the teacher’s fault if the student brings home an F?  One way to understand this shift is to consider the idea that many children today are coddled by their parents.  Oxford Dictionaries defines coddle as “treat in an indulgent or overprotective way”.  So, the question is, what constitutes “indulgent” or “overprotective”? What are the consequences of coddling?

Parenting is tricky, we know this.  Often it is a challenging task to find the balance between pushing our children to realize their full potential, and providing them with a caring, nurturing environment so they can experience unconditional acceptance and love.  The ways parents raise their children is closely connected to the parent’s culturally-embedded goals for childrearing.  In the United States, goals of autonomy and independence are generally highly valued.

What are the Effects of Coddling?

As children develop from infants to preschoolers, to young children, and then adolescents, they continuously acquire and refine their abilities to meet life’s challenges.  Because of this, the amount of support or “protection” needed from parents also evolves.  If parents provide too much instrumental support by not allowing their children to fall, or avoiding challenging tasks all together, they are implicitly sending a message that their child is unable to handle difficulties.  While I’m certain that even these parents are well-intended, creating such an invalidating environment may be accomplishing the opposite of their intended goals (according to, Hardy Power and Jaedicke et al. (as cited in DeHart et al., 2004)).

In general, parenting characterized by warmth, support and a reasoning approach to discipline is consistently associated with such positive child characteristics as cooperativeness, effective coping, low levels of behavioral problems, strongly internalized norms and values, a sense of personal responsibility and high levels of moral reasoning. (p. 428)

As readers are already well aware, disappointments, frustrations, and discomforts in life cannot be avoided.  The trick when it comes to raising children is not to sidestep such experiences all together, but rather to help our young ones learn to manage these upsets effectively.  Remember, there is no one right way to support, encourage, and nurture your children.  My hope is that after reading this, you are armed with additional considerations to guard against coddling your little ones.

NSPT offers services in BucktownEvanstonHighland ParkLincolnwoodGlenview and Des Plaines. If you have questions or concerns about your child, we would love to help! Give us a call at (877) 486-4140 and speak to one of our Family Child Advocates today!

Sources: DeHart, G. B., Sroufe, L.A., & Cooper, R.G. (2004). Child Development: Its nature and

course (5th ed., p 411-441). New York: McGraw-Hill