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How to Help a Child Who is Struggling with Self-Esteem

As children get older and start spending more time with peers, it is natural that they begin comparing themselves to others. It’s healthy for children to want to excel and do their best, but itBlog-Self-Esteem-Main-Landscape becomes problematic when it comes at the expense of their self-esteem. Self-esteem can take time to develop and strengthen, but there are some things you can do to help enhance it during the earlier years.

What to Look for in a Child with Low Self-Esteem

If you notice your child making a lot of negative self-statements, this is indicative that he or she may be struggling with self-esteem. Negative self-statements are self-deprecating and tend to represent black and white thinking patterns. An example of a negative self-statement would be “I am dumb” or “I will never be good at this.”

It is very healthy for children to develop interests or hobbies and to spend time around others who enjoy similar things. Explore a variety of activities with your child and try to provide him/her with options. Whether it’s a cooking class or swimming lessons, your child is bound to show interest in something. Listen to your child and give him/her the autonomy to choose something that really interests him/her. Check out your local park district or community center to see what programs they offer. The Chicago Park District has dozens of wonderful programs and activities that may interest your child.

Each child has their own strengths, talents, and qualities that make them unique. That being said, it is great to point them out when you notice them! It is human nature to enjoy hearing that others are noticing the things we are doing well. At the same time, it is important to help your child understand that they are not defined by their achievements. Think about some adjectives that describe your child (i.e. compassionate, kind, caring). These intrinsic qualities are really what makes someone special – not the amount of trophies or ribbons on their shelf. Plant Love Grow is a wonderful website that has lots of self-esteem boosting activities that you and your child can do together.

NSPT offers services in Bucktown, Evanston, Highland Park, Lincolnwood, Glenview, Lake Bluff, Des Plaines, Hinsdale and Milwaukee! If you have questions or concerns about your child, we would love to help! Give us a call at (877) 486-4140.

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3 Coping Strategies to Help your Stressful Teen | Pediatric Therapy Tv

In today’s Webisode, a pediatric social worker provides some useful tips to help a stressful teen.

If you haven’t already, check out our previous episode with Ali, discussing depression in children

In this video you will learn:

  • The first steps to take when helping a stressful teen
  • How to approach a stressful teen
  • Specific strategies to best help your teen overcome verbal or nonverbal stress

The Truth About Lying | 12 Ways to Make Sure Your Tween Doesn’t Lie

Below are 12 easy ways to ensure that you will maintain a healthy and honest relationship with your child:

1. Keep communication open. Designate time, every night, when you and your child can talk about the day’s events. Discuss parts of your day at dinner time, bath time, and bed time.

2. Make yourself approachable. If your child is scared of you, they won’t feel comfortable telling the truth about certain things. Make sure you welcome any news with open arms. Mom and Teenage Daughter

3. Be proactive. Discuss the meaning of truthfulness, honesty, and sincerity. Discuss why honesty is important at home, in school and in the community. Teach The Boy Who Cried Wolf principle (a very effective moral lesson).

4. If you catch him/her lying, sit down and have a serious talk. Remove all distractions and give your undivided attention. Tell them you need to understand why they lied, and have them walk you through what happened or what they were thinking.

5. What are alternatives to lying? Share with them what you might do instead of lying and model it for them.

6. Make sure your child knows that you understand them – you’ve been a teenager too. Show them you can relate by making statements that reflect the feelings behind what they’re saying.

7. Give them the right to not tell you everything. What is acceptable to be kept private and what is not?

8. Make sure they are not lying to cover up another serious problem. Explain how this can turn into a vicious cycle and how they can get themselves into even more trouble this way.

9. Insist that your child take responsibility and apologize when it is due. Some children lie for the purpose of avoiding responsibility, so this is an important skill to focus on.

10. Use self-admittance and repentance as your course of discipline if lying is a new problem for your child, letting them know what consequences will follow if the behavior continues.

11. End the conversation on a positive note whenever you can. Is there any part of their decision, action, or feelings that is praiseworthy? Was there any good intention that they could pursue differently next time?

12. If lying becomes serious and pattern-forming, parents should consult with a professional counselor in order to understand and correct the lying behavior.

References: American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, November 2004, No. 44

*Blog Disclaimer

North Shore Pediatric Therapy, Inc. (NSPT) intends for responses to the blogs to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; all content and answers to questions should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).  Questions submitted to this blog are not guaranteed to receive responses.  No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by NSPT  to people submitting questions.  Always consult with your health professional first before initiating or changing any aspect of your treatment regimen.

Talking to Your Teen About Peer Pressure

If you’ve recently noticed your teen changing his or her behavior, language or dress to match up with their friends, you’re not alone. Few parents are excited by the teen years’ ability to undermine the importance of family and skyrocket the value of friendships. Both are impacted by the psychological urge as well as peer pressure teens get to separate from their family and discover their own identity.Peer Pressure Blog

It is normal for your teen’s friends to become intensely influential during this time. One way of relieving this stress for you is to remember that this is a typical developmental stage (with the key word being stage). Another way is to focus your attention on making the most of the time you do spend with them. Make sure it is both educational and meaningful, with open lines of communication. They will be seeking more independence than usual, so long lectures about what to do or say will be resisted and likely just generate a lot of frustration on your end.

Before your teen dives head first into the world of peer pressure, how can you send them out with the right social equipment?

Consider these tips before talking to your teen about peer pressure:

• What are my family’s values? They won’t forget the values you teach them, even if they don’t adhere to them all of the time or as much as you’d like them to.

• What lessons have I taught them that will support good decision-making?

• What top five personal qualities do I want them to have as an adult? Parent with the end in mind.

• Talk in detail about the true dangers of smoking, drinking and drugs. State more facts than opinions. Ask for their personal definitions, and you will find out what they are learning amongst their peers.

• Be empathetic about their desire to fit in with their friends. Reinforce the positive qualities that make someone a good friend.

• Teach assertiveness skills proactively. Ask them if they are comfortable saying “no,” and if not, practice different ways to do this. Don’t forget about the impact of confident body language!

• Talk to them about their world and how they see it. More importantly, listen.

• Is there a visible pattern of disrespect between your teen and their friends? What kinds of interaction are you able to observe, and what does it tell you?

• Watch movies or TV episodes that suggest constructive ways to handle peer pressure and manage the conflict that may follow.

• Be consistent with your expectations, rules and limits. Teens will be less likely to engage in risky behaviors when they are intolerable to you.

Be there for your teen when they need you, and you will remain the biggest influence in their life.

NSPT offers services in BucktownEvanstonDeerfieldLincolnwoodGlenviewLake BluffDes PlainesHinsdale and Mequon! If you have any questions or concerns about your child, we would love to help! Give us a call at (877) 486-4140!

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